and the caged bird sings....

So when the moment came, the world stood still, and naught could be seen or heard through her mind but the sound of silence and random pop-up thoughts, curiously so was the one other sound that drowned not with the rest of the world. It was the singing bird in the cage. Symphony respected not private thoughts and often intruded with song. So while the caged bird sang only in her subconscious, today the melody pierced through, particularly loud, and even became her contemplation.

She walked up to the cage and peered in her eyes. ‘Symphony, what do you sing about?’ and she was further lost in a world where Symphony answered. Symphony was happy to be there, nourished and embellished with all that she needed….or so it seemed.

‘How is it then that I have wings and pretty colours, the heart to entertain all day long and nothing to complain about, and yet beyond this cage is a life I shall never know. For though I understand the concept of the world being a cruel cruel place and this a haven, perhaps somewhere in the distance beyond the rainbow is something that ought to be mine. Perhaps I ought to sing of something un-similar to this, but all I know is within this cage… but something in the beyond beckons upon my heart to reach out and sing a song which will be revealed to me, but only upon my release, a song which it appears I may never know. I am a caged bird with the basic necessities but am I ungrateful to desire the sustenance that only an un-caged world can provide? There is more to life than who I reveal to the world and I sing as normal, but within my melody is sadness but joy, satisfaction but hunger, water but still….thirst.

So she reached forth and opened the cage. Symphony flew through with aggressive desperation and her melody sounded more liberated. Excited at the prospect of doing her some justice she opened the window. ‘Go Symphony, go!’ and she did.

So she sat in her chair and re-drowned in her thoughts wondering if to walk out the door and never come back to the life that was all she knew. Symphony was her inspiration. She looked up. Puzzled she noted that Symphony was back, un-diverted and of her own free will, into her cage she flew. The cage door remained open. So Symphony was neither in the cage nor out and what a confused melody she sang.

‘I understand’ she said to Symphony. ‘A little taster once in a while perhaps, but of what consequence is that? Does it nourish your soul, inspire you to explore or does the fear of the unknown signal your return? For all you know Symphony, is that little cage and even when now the choice is yours, its not that easy a decision to make, is it? The world neither labels you a trespasser, nor welcomes you with open arms’

She stared at the door to the world she knew and even ventured to peer outside, and though she felt caged like Symphony, she understood then that should she take one step out in the cold, she wouldn’t know if to turn left or right. If she wished hard enough she thought enthusiastically, a voice would lead her to the warm embrace of comfort. Disappointment awaited though, for each time she tried, she was greeted by an ambiguous silence. Back into the familiar she went and like Symphony’s cage, she left the door to the world unlocked but sat within it and while Symphony sang her song, she wept trapped tears that never escaped through her eyes as she stared at the open door. Once again she drowned in the thoughts that were of all of the above. The end!

empty eyes

Once upon a time
A time when she saw a sign
A sign and her future in his eyes
Amidst fears and tears but (un)happy cries
Was it what it was?

In between she looks back at the time
The time when it was what it was
And questions with a pause…
‘what it was was a lie’
‘what it was did not lie’
who saw what? Who showed what?

Yet today when she looked in his eyes
Some truths were lies
She cried, she smiled
she sighed.

And if tomorrow may be hers
Or today she borrows
and tomorrow is of sorrows
or today is hers
who knows?
Gold and gain, cold moments of pain

So where the truth lies
Is in his eyes
But when her eyes asked his
His eyes stared back empty!

The strength of the unspoken word

Sometimes things are better left unsaid. These words could be unspoken because they are uncomfortable or obvious or unexplored. Whatever the reason, need we ask? If we search ourselves, the answer couldn’t be any clearer! Sometimes having the answer delivered in a platter in the form of words is all we desire because we need to have confirmation, because we are scared to be right or wrong, because we are scared to draw our own (unfavourable) inferences or just need to hear a voice that is not the one in our heads.

Humans are blessed with instinct. We hide inside the ‘I don’t know cloud’ because the sky is a bit daunting. ‘I never saw it coming’ is usually another way of saying ‘I totally ignored it and now I have to deal with it!’, ‘He loves me, he loves me not’ is gobbledygook and there is no such thing as an ambiguous smile when the smiler has eyes! If we read the signals using our senses, especially the sixth one, the strength of the unspoken word is so intoxicatingly in our faces, it’s too hard to miss! What we then do with the information is what makes the difference between right or wrong, happiness or sadness, strength or weakness. The point is it’s unspoken, but not unheard!

So to you at the cross roads not knowing if to turn left or right, I think you do know!

p.s and to you who claim not to have the foggiest idea what I am on about, I suggest to you that indeed you do. Dig deep!

ok christmas is over but.... MY LETTER TO SANTA

Dear Santa,

It’s that time of the year again. Everyone has sent you their requests and I am sure you are inundated at the moment. I am sorry to bother you.

I have tried, but haven’t particularly been the best I could possibly be this year. I have made a few mistakes. I hear though, that you have a big heart so I hope you can forgive me. The last time you would have heard from me would have been when I was 8 years old or thereabout and I asked you for a dolly. Thank you for that, she was beautiful. I haven’t come to you in a few years because I have been busy growing up. Shortly after that request I went into my teenage years and my eyes began to see the world differently and I lost my prelapsarian childhood/youth. Now, things are not that simple any more. Being a woman has brought with it all sorts of responsibilities and challenges that I never imagined possible as a child. Maybe if knew then what I knew now, I would have asked you for something a little bit different.

In lieu of this Santa, this year, I ask for something pretty intangible. Santa, this world is such a crazy maze. A lot of times I find myself going left or right and still ending up in the same spot. Santa, this world is fraught with winding roads. I know I am merely human and should expect nothing supernatural about my foresight but sometimes I wonder if a little peep ahead would have been asking too much. Santa, this world is full of disappointment and shock and twist and pain and Santa, tell me, who created death? Why can we never be prepared for the pain?

So I was telling you about my request for something ethereal this year, I won’t ask you for a dolly. But, I won’t ask you for courage or good vision or the power to deal with emotional trauma. This year Santa, I ask you to reduce me to love. If I am able to love as God intended love to be, then I think I will be alright. I will be able to forgive, I will be able to forget, I will be able to accept people for who they are and despite flaws, they will be endeared to me. I will be able to rise above disappointment and I will be able to see the bigger picture when I know that I will never mortally see someone I love ever again because they have died. I will be able to look at my maze or winding road and embrace the challenge and where I would normally complain and wallow in self pity; instead, I will smile and be thankful for the two feet of straight road that is within my vision at that point in time. When a baby cries Santa, I will forget about the panic of what baby needs at that time, but instead tickle baby’s gorgeous toes and bask in the most beautiful sound of baby giggling, for God who created ten perfect little toes obviously has a sense of humour – amazing! When my friend rings me up at midnight with a problem too big for her shoulders, I will love her enough to not look at my watch every other second or yawn or bring my own problems into the conversation. When I wake up and go outside to breathe in the fresh air of the morning and the neighbour says good morning, I will not try to read between the lines, I will not wonder what she is trying to say or if she stole my bin, I will, in breathing that morning air, breathe in enough love to say good morning back and mean just that! I hope to receive the gift of love that when I behold a beautiful daffodil, I will stop to appreciate the beautiful things in life.

Santa, yesterday morning, my daughter put a striking flower in my hair and she was convinced the flower made me the most gorgeous woman in the whole wide world. ‘It’s yovyi mummy’ she said. Something in her outlook to life softened my heart instantly. Therefore Santa, I reckon that if I could love, love and love with her naivety, that I will be able to see life through her eyes, the eyes of a child. If I can do this, the world will be brand new again and when I smile, it will come from somewhere deep down in my heart.

Ok so maybe this is a bit premature Santa, I forgot to ask, do you do intangible gifts? Thank you and merry Christmas!

another day... another thought

ok so its been a while...

in the last week, i have been inspired by song. i told you about writing an article based on luther's dance with my father again... i did. i shall share with you soonish. i am still a bit shy about it. (yeah right!)

today, it seems i am getting even cheesier by the minute. i was trying to think who was the most important person in my life and surprise surprise another tear jerker sprung to mind. i thought about the song 'wind beneath my wings'. there have been so many variations of this song and i think i have lost track of the original but it really got me thinking about a lot of things. i will share within the week, i promise.

but for this very moment what am i thinking about? i am thinking about the fact that people underestimate love and its meaning. i just wrote something about that (again i will share soonish) and i admit that i sound like such a cynic in that note (it wasnt intentional). i just believe that a lot of people claim to love or be in love without actually understanding the responsibility attached to practising that emotion with its truest intentions. what is this insomniac rambling on about? .... all in due course but in the mean time, tell me this, do you really really really love someone? yes? how do you know?

heartprints

Heartprints

its my life, casual or not as usual
but I take you with me
could be dust and rain
or gold and gain
and moments engulfed by these
the fees I paid for
choices I rejoice in
or when human foresight has paid me not great

yet it never stops
I move on as life pauses not
new creations, new inventions,
new souls, new moments, new dreams
it seems…

but for you in my inner circle
who but cycled life with me
for thus you grew the way you knew
yet traversed still with me

should we be dissimilar or not
or have familiar ways or not
you reside with me always
for your eyes and your smile
for eternal miles
your words and your soul and your whole
are imprinted in my subconscious

for so life dictates,
wipe as you wish
still heartprints are permanent

eternally therefore, I take you with me!

growing up

hhhmmmmm... random thoughts...
i wonder how our upbringing affects our relationships in life generally?
what do you think guys?

and ' breathless' is out of my head now. i have two songs stuck in my head today. mariah carey's melt away (dont ask.. totally random, right?) and jennifer hudsons (did i spell her name right?) spotlight.

so you want to read something totally soppy? see my next post.