my heart guest!

It's not your anniversary or birthday
It's by any means any ordinary day
Is it though?
I ask your resting soul
Is your spirit here?
Something in the air
Beckons my heart to recall
And for this moment
I need not shut my eyes
To see imprints of your face in my heart
Perhaps you sense my need for guidance
Perhaps that soft whispering thought, is that what you say?
Its an older version of me this day
One that recognises precious heart banks
So for your presence today, i say thanks
And remind you to be my heart guest forever
Heart guest, sever ties never
I need you, I miss you, I love you, R.I.P

please tell me....

what makes you cry? (generally)

when last did you cry?

what consoles you?

what is your personal opinion about crying?

what do you think about pornography? (yes random, i know, but hey... i am asking)

a little teaser.... because... just because...!

‘Shh’ he whispered in her ear, but she never stopped screaming and he never for one second paused to let her breathe either. The endowment, naturally heightened by passion drove Leila to a mental state that was the closest she had been to orgasmic insanity and she absolutely loved it. Her gasps encouraged his animal desire to please her. He gave, and then some! He set her soul alight as he fuelled, and then extinguished her starvaion, until she thought she saw the glittering trillion stars all smiling. It was recognisably the part of her soul that manipulated her sexual desires, for what it had subconsciously sought without fulfilment, it found. For the first time in over a year, the aftermath of the incident left Leila feeling like a real woman should; well and truly sexually gratified!

AZ Yet had a point when......

AZ Yet had a point when they sang ‘Last night’

‘… I saw the sun, the moon, the mountains and the rivers….’. Oh come on if you don’t know that song then you didn’t sufficiently ‘pull’ in 1996/97 because everyone played that song while they dimmed the lights. To tease your mind I want to remind you of a different experience that made you sing this song. Let’s forget love and all that mushy stuff just for a second. This is not about how you wanted to show the ‘depth’ of your love. This is why, technically, you saw the sun, moon, mountains and rivers and didn’t necessarily have to light any romantic candles.

His recollection of last night – I walked in and my girl who normally has a metaphoric halo over her head was dressed in patent leather skinny trousers with killer heels. Her make up was glittery but dark, especially around her eyes. She walked over to me and pulled me in by the collar. In the bedroom she explored north and south of my anatomy with confidence. She made me kneel before her, she made me bow and call her ‘queen’, she rode me with such precision, skill and self-belief. In the grind of things (yes there was a lot of grinding!), I pledged heaven and earth to her (funnily enough I don’t regret doing so. I will clear out my bank account for that award winning performance). By the time she was done with me I could not breathe especially when her lips and tongue did things. I screamed like a girl (the boys need never know). I tell you, I passed out with her name on my lips and consequently could not go into work this morning, much less meet the boys later for endless pints and breast/bum watching. I love the little minx. She’s cat walking round the house with a mischievous half smile on her lips and a healthy glow in her eyes. She is even threatening round 14! No way woman, I take your point, you are the one for me!

Her recollection – Last night I was furious! There’s talk amongst the girls of this other woman yet again. How embarrassing (they all make out their relationships/marriages are perfect… the bitches!). Anyway I don’t know what I am doing wrong. I am not sure if he is cheating or not but my goodness gracious, he is never home, he smells weird (although this might be my imagination). I don’t know what to believe. Does he love me? I am sure he does. Is he bored? Restless? He thinks he owns me to do with as he wishes? He thinks he knows me? I am not going to shout and scream and threaten to leave, oh no! So then I decided that I would screw his brains out. I will own his body. I know his anatomy inside out. I will put him in his place, punish him sweetly for my insanity. This should give him time for some sober reflection. I did it! I am exhausted but it was worth it. Riding is such a good workout for my bum and waist….. and he has promised to buy me that Cartier necklace I asked for many months ago (note he had said he couldn’t afford it just yet). We’ll go shopping for it tomorrow if he is awake by then. He is still passed out in the bedroom, sprawled on the bed like he did any work and this is 16 hours later. Maybe I should give him round 14 just to make sure I get my point across. Tee hee!

Need I say more?

Enjoy!

Sally ;-)

A man and his cheating mind

He cheated on you, you found out, caught him red handed! To prove to yourself just how depressed you are, you’ve been out binge drinking all night, snugged three random guys who weren’t your type, attempted to French kiss and then hump your girl friend with your dildo from behind (in fact you are so groggy right now, you don’t know angry she is and coming to think about it, where’s your damn mobile phone?). With a severely sore head, you ferociously throw the curtains shut to prevent the sunlight and you go back to sleep. At this point your tears are burning the pillow; the furnace is blazing hot, similar to the bleed in your heart. But why did he do it? Your version of events leaves him unforgivably dumped, and you come out smelling of roses, but let’s hear what he has to say!

She is the bunny boiler from hell! She is obsessed with everything I do, everywhere I go and everyone I see. She lives in my pocket and wants to know every last detail of my day including when I coughed, ate lunch and did a number 2 in the gentlemen’s! I love her to bits and want to spend the rest of my life with her but I met this girl who didn’t care what I was up to in intricate detail. All that mattered was the bigger picture. Suddenly I felt relaxed and I could breathe. It was so refreshing that one thing led to another. It was a mistake which I will never make again. I love my girl but will she trust me, let me be a man, let me live my life, let me miss her enough to enjoy running home to her?

She is the Virgin Mary personified! When I met her she wore black skin tight leather trousers with heels that ‘rhythmed’ with the floor to the beat of this R&B tune on my mind. Her walk was sexy! When she cooked me dinner for the first time my stomach became the passage to my heart and when we spent the night together, we never slept if you know what I mean. Following on from that my apartment no longer had my towels on the bathroom floor and on my centre piece, lives a cream vase carrying a dozen cream carnations that match my cream curtains. She is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, but for one problem. As soon as the relationship conquered the initial stage of impressing each other, she lost her ability to be sexy. She waltzes round the apartment lazily in my old rumpled t-shirt which she pulls out the washing machine. The carnations are still in place unfailingly every week, so are the elaborate meals (in fact my beer belly is no longer down to beer), but when we get to the bedroom it’s the same old routine with the light off! Sex does not rule our relationship, love does but when I went out and met this stranger in the coffee bar, yep, you guessed it - one thing led to another. Do I love this stranger? No! She reminded me of what I saw in my girl the first time I met her. Who do I want to be with? My girl of course! Despite the shortcomings I love who she is.

She is obsessed with equality! She reminds me every day that a woman can be a singer, engineer, doctor, lawyer, stripper, architect, and janitor, anything a man can be. Problem? She is so fanatical about this concept that she forgets to let me be the man in the relationship. I love her but need the respect of a woman who understands that a man is the captain of the ship. So I went out and this woman absolutely adored my views, worshipped the ground I walked on and told me what a big, strong man I was. She said she felt small and vulnerable in my arms. The rest of the night is history. What do I want? I still want my girl but I am worried that she will drive me crazy.

While some of these scenarios make men look like selfish bastards and might even be construed disrespectful to women, the truth is that what a man needs is a well-rounded woman. This woman can be anything at the drop of a hat. She is down to earth and a domestic goddess, she will walk around in your rumpled t-shirt and look scruffy but strangely appealing, yet when you take her out she scrubs up good and your friends gawk at her. Underneath her dinner dress is some sizzling hot lingerie and yet on the kitchen hob is your favourite meal waiting to be served on demand. She worships the ground you walk on and will indulge you in ‘69’ on request but she is no fool for you and will make you work for all she has to give because she knows her worth. She will obey your every word but not without gently massaging her opinion into your rules (she sneaks it up on you perfectly. Its done so flawlessly you can’t help but love her). She is beautiful, classy and what’s more she bears or cannot wait to bear your children. While it is impossible to attain such perfection, keeping our men ‘zipped up’ is not totally outside our abilities as women. In certain situations a man cheats because it seems to be part of his genetic make up and no attainment of the label – ‘well rounded woman’ will keep his roaming eyes fixated on you (and in those cases what you do with your relationship depends on how strongly you feel about the issue. Women’s views differ!).

So some of them have no excuse for this hurtful behaviour but in the event that they come up with some ‘justification’ for their short comings, striking a balance between being their life-size doll and being human is not easy, however, here’s the a.b.c guide to being his perfect woman in his opinion - do the domestics with a smiling face, cook his food with love (light a candle at the dinner table occasionally), wear lingerie, or wear nothing at all, give him a blow job, let him have his wicked way with you, play the innocent ‘I-only-know-the-missionary-position’ type and be good at it (some men like their women free of ‘filth’!), be familiar with the names of the players of his favourite football team, score points by commenting on the politics show, watch the gadget show or top gear with him, if he says he’ll be back at midnight and its now 10 past, resist the urge to leave him 20 messages on his voice mail (and upon his return, let your ‘where have you been?’ sound more blasé than ‘I have been hyperventilating with fury!’), get down on your knees and scrub the kitchen floor and spend a dedicated amount of time massaging his ego! Does anyone know any such woman? It sounds like perfection to me and we all know perfection is pretty unfeasible a concept. Is there hope that men will ever stop cheating? Who knows? For now just follow the a.b.c guide to the best of your ability. Leave the rest to destiny, after all you went into the relationship with your eyes open – you can only do your best and in love there are no guarantees!

Good luck
;-) Sally

© 2007

listen...

has anyone listened to the lyrics of beyonce's 'listen'?

tell me your secret....

ok this is one thing about me. when i am upset, i tend to go a bit psycho on house work. in that mode, i can clean the house from top to bottom and if employed as a cleaner during rage mode, employer will be very impressed. this is of course when i have finished an aggressive, bordering on violent-like work out.

what do you do when you are angry? i am interested.

and the caged bird sings....

So when the moment came, the world stood still, and naught could be seen or heard through her mind but the sound of silence and random pop-up thoughts, curiously so was the one other sound that drowned not with the rest of the world. It was the singing bird in the cage. Symphony respected not private thoughts and often intruded with song. So while the caged bird sang only in her subconscious, today the melody pierced through, particularly loud, and even became her contemplation.

She walked up to the cage and peered in her eyes. ‘Symphony, what do you sing about?’ and she was further lost in a world where Symphony answered. Symphony was happy to be there, nourished and embellished with all that she needed….or so it seemed.

‘How is it then that I have wings and pretty colours, the heart to entertain all day long and nothing to complain about, and yet beyond this cage is a life I shall never know. For though I understand the concept of the world being a cruel cruel place and this a haven, perhaps somewhere in the distance beyond the rainbow is something that ought to be mine. Perhaps I ought to sing of something un-similar to this, but all I know is within this cage… but something in the beyond beckons upon my heart to reach out and sing a song which will be revealed to me, but only upon my release, a song which it appears I may never know. I am a caged bird with the basic necessities but am I ungrateful to desire the sustenance that only an un-caged world can provide? There is more to life than who I reveal to the world and I sing as normal, but within my melody is sadness but joy, satisfaction but hunger, water but still….thirst.

So she reached forth and opened the cage. Symphony flew through with aggressive desperation and her melody sounded more liberated. Excited at the prospect of doing her some justice she opened the window. ‘Go Symphony, go!’ and she did.

So she sat in her chair and re-drowned in her thoughts wondering if to walk out the door and never come back to the life that was all she knew. Symphony was her inspiration. She looked up. Puzzled she noted that Symphony was back, un-diverted and of her own free will, into her cage she flew. The cage door remained open. So Symphony was neither in the cage nor out and what a confused melody she sang.

‘I understand’ she said to Symphony. ‘A little taster once in a while perhaps, but of what consequence is that? Does it nourish your soul, inspire you to explore or does the fear of the unknown signal your return? For all you know Symphony, is that little cage and even when now the choice is yours, its not that easy a decision to make, is it? The world neither labels you a trespasser, nor welcomes you with open arms’

She stared at the door to the world she knew and even ventured to peer outside, and though she felt caged like Symphony, she understood then that should she take one step out in the cold, she wouldn’t know if to turn left or right. If she wished hard enough she thought enthusiastically, a voice would lead her to the warm embrace of comfort. Disappointment awaited though, for each time she tried, she was greeted by an ambiguous silence. Back into the familiar she went and like Symphony’s cage, she left the door to the world unlocked but sat within it and while Symphony sang her song, she wept trapped tears that never escaped through her eyes as she stared at the open door. Once again she drowned in the thoughts that were of all of the above. The end!

empty eyes

Once upon a time
A time when she saw a sign
A sign and her future in his eyes
Amidst fears and tears but (un)happy cries
Was it what it was?

In between she looks back at the time
The time when it was what it was
And questions with a pause…
‘what it was was a lie’
‘what it was did not lie’
who saw what? Who showed what?

Yet today when she looked in his eyes
Some truths were lies
She cried, she smiled
she sighed.

And if tomorrow may be hers
Or today she borrows
and tomorrow is of sorrows
or today is hers
who knows?
Gold and gain, cold moments of pain

So where the truth lies
Is in his eyes
But when her eyes asked his
His eyes stared back empty!

The strength of the unspoken word

Sometimes things are better left unsaid. These words could be unspoken because they are uncomfortable or obvious or unexplored. Whatever the reason, need we ask? If we search ourselves, the answer couldn’t be any clearer! Sometimes having the answer delivered in a platter in the form of words is all we desire because we need to have confirmation, because we are scared to be right or wrong, because we are scared to draw our own (unfavourable) inferences or just need to hear a voice that is not the one in our heads.

Humans are blessed with instinct. We hide inside the ‘I don’t know cloud’ because the sky is a bit daunting. ‘I never saw it coming’ is usually another way of saying ‘I totally ignored it and now I have to deal with it!’, ‘He loves me, he loves me not’ is gobbledygook and there is no such thing as an ambiguous smile when the smiler has eyes! If we read the signals using our senses, especially the sixth one, the strength of the unspoken word is so intoxicatingly in our faces, it’s too hard to miss! What we then do with the information is what makes the difference between right or wrong, happiness or sadness, strength or weakness. The point is it’s unspoken, but not unheard!

So to you at the cross roads not knowing if to turn left or right, I think you do know!

p.s and to you who claim not to have the foggiest idea what I am on about, I suggest to you that indeed you do. Dig deep!

ok christmas is over but.... MY LETTER TO SANTA

Dear Santa,

It’s that time of the year again. Everyone has sent you their requests and I am sure you are inundated at the moment. I am sorry to bother you.

I have tried, but haven’t particularly been the best I could possibly be this year. I have made a few mistakes. I hear though, that you have a big heart so I hope you can forgive me. The last time you would have heard from me would have been when I was 8 years old or thereabout and I asked you for a dolly. Thank you for that, she was beautiful. I haven’t come to you in a few years because I have been busy growing up. Shortly after that request I went into my teenage years and my eyes began to see the world differently and I lost my prelapsarian childhood/youth. Now, things are not that simple any more. Being a woman has brought with it all sorts of responsibilities and challenges that I never imagined possible as a child. Maybe if knew then what I knew now, I would have asked you for something a little bit different.

In lieu of this Santa, this year, I ask for something pretty intangible. Santa, this world is such a crazy maze. A lot of times I find myself going left or right and still ending up in the same spot. Santa, this world is fraught with winding roads. I know I am merely human and should expect nothing supernatural about my foresight but sometimes I wonder if a little peep ahead would have been asking too much. Santa, this world is full of disappointment and shock and twist and pain and Santa, tell me, who created death? Why can we never be prepared for the pain?

So I was telling you about my request for something ethereal this year, I won’t ask you for a dolly. But, I won’t ask you for courage or good vision or the power to deal with emotional trauma. This year Santa, I ask you to reduce me to love. If I am able to love as God intended love to be, then I think I will be alright. I will be able to forgive, I will be able to forget, I will be able to accept people for who they are and despite flaws, they will be endeared to me. I will be able to rise above disappointment and I will be able to see the bigger picture when I know that I will never mortally see someone I love ever again because they have died. I will be able to look at my maze or winding road and embrace the challenge and where I would normally complain and wallow in self pity; instead, I will smile and be thankful for the two feet of straight road that is within my vision at that point in time. When a baby cries Santa, I will forget about the panic of what baby needs at that time, but instead tickle baby’s gorgeous toes and bask in the most beautiful sound of baby giggling, for God who created ten perfect little toes obviously has a sense of humour – amazing! When my friend rings me up at midnight with a problem too big for her shoulders, I will love her enough to not look at my watch every other second or yawn or bring my own problems into the conversation. When I wake up and go outside to breathe in the fresh air of the morning and the neighbour says good morning, I will not try to read between the lines, I will not wonder what she is trying to say or if she stole my bin, I will, in breathing that morning air, breathe in enough love to say good morning back and mean just that! I hope to receive the gift of love that when I behold a beautiful daffodil, I will stop to appreciate the beautiful things in life.

Santa, yesterday morning, my daughter put a striking flower in my hair and she was convinced the flower made me the most gorgeous woman in the whole wide world. ‘It’s yovyi mummy’ she said. Something in her outlook to life softened my heart instantly. Therefore Santa, I reckon that if I could love, love and love with her naivety, that I will be able to see life through her eyes, the eyes of a child. If I can do this, the world will be brand new again and when I smile, it will come from somewhere deep down in my heart.

Ok so maybe this is a bit premature Santa, I forgot to ask, do you do intangible gifts? Thank you and merry Christmas!

another day... another thought

ok so its been a while...

in the last week, i have been inspired by song. i told you about writing an article based on luther's dance with my father again... i did. i shall share with you soonish. i am still a bit shy about it. (yeah right!)

today, it seems i am getting even cheesier by the minute. i was trying to think who was the most important person in my life and surprise surprise another tear jerker sprung to mind. i thought about the song 'wind beneath my wings'. there have been so many variations of this song and i think i have lost track of the original but it really got me thinking about a lot of things. i will share within the week, i promise.

but for this very moment what am i thinking about? i am thinking about the fact that people underestimate love and its meaning. i just wrote something about that (again i will share soonish) and i admit that i sound like such a cynic in that note (it wasnt intentional). i just believe that a lot of people claim to love or be in love without actually understanding the responsibility attached to practising that emotion with its truest intentions. what is this insomniac rambling on about? .... all in due course but in the mean time, tell me this, do you really really really love someone? yes? how do you know?

heartprints

Heartprints

its my life, casual or not as usual
but I take you with me
could be dust and rain
or gold and gain
and moments engulfed by these
the fees I paid for
choices I rejoice in
or when human foresight has paid me not great

yet it never stops
I move on as life pauses not
new creations, new inventions,
new souls, new moments, new dreams
it seems…

but for you in my inner circle
who but cycled life with me
for thus you grew the way you knew
yet traversed still with me

should we be dissimilar or not
or have familiar ways or not
you reside with me always
for your eyes and your smile
for eternal miles
your words and your soul and your whole
are imprinted in my subconscious

for so life dictates,
wipe as you wish
still heartprints are permanent

eternally therefore, I take you with me!

growing up

hhhmmmmm... random thoughts...
i wonder how our upbringing affects our relationships in life generally?
what do you think guys?

and ' breathless' is out of my head now. i have two songs stuck in my head today. mariah carey's melt away (dont ask.. totally random, right?) and jennifer hudsons (did i spell her name right?) spotlight.

so you want to read something totally soppy? see my next post.

Life's fabric

in my phantasm tonight
behold before me
i connect...
the changing faces of my life's many phases
and
the hearts i met and let in
whilst i traversed those dreary or hardly dreary
places
i recollect...
you from the past
you who did or didn't last
you who journeys on with or without me fast
.... and you!
life is a partially sewn fabric
you added a stitch
if you hurt me
its alright, i forgive you
for in hindsight
though life was longer, i got stronger
what can i say? i awoke to yet another day
another switch, another stitch
and if i hurt you
hate me not
perhaps in the contentment i sought
i spared you not a befitting thought
but
i gave you one more stitch
so if we spoke or we laughed
or we joked or we danced
or even if i sighed many or cried
a small part of a lost past
or lead role in my life's scroll
or indeed i in yours
whilst some stitches get broke
if a tear drop
or a memory
or both tonight i provoke
be thankful
as i thank you
thank you
for a beautiful beautiful strong stitch!

and...

I am still going on about that song, Breathless because it's stuck in my head and it will not go away. The lyrics are so emotional really.

I was watching the magic channel on TV as well and there was a song that made me cry (Yes I am a bit emotional tonight). There is Jania's wedding coming up in April and another wedding coming up in December (am I allowed to discuss this yet? Please let me know. You know who you are). I play big parts in both wedding and I suppose I have been planning speeches and poetry and listening to music for inspiration.

Ok sorry, i went off on a tangent there. Was I telling you about a song that made me cry? It was Luther Vandross - Dance with my father again. OK I don't know if that's the title of the song but my goodness, the lyrics....

Can I ask a random question at this point? OK I dont mind relating this to myself. When I was a child, my father could do no wrong. Everything he did was right and perfect. When I grew up and realised that he was human and subject to frailties like everyone else, I was devastated. What is your relationship with your father like? I have to write something about this. Watch out for it tomorrow or the day after, I promise.

So back to weddings, trying to think of the perfect thing to do for these two weddings. At Malaika and Simbarashe's wedding, I did a literary piece. Basically I read this piece out and was out of sight at the time. It was read to the beginning of KC and Jojo's 'all my life'. OK so I read it and I might have been a bit emotional at the time... when I was done and surfaced, I realised that I had half the guests in tears. OK that was weird. It was flattering but overwhelming. People were blubbering over this piece (including my dad which definitely made me choke because it was the first time I saw him cry. He asked me later why I was surprised and seemed a bit irritated by the fact that apparently I thought he was made of stone. LOL!). I then went on to introduce their first dance and I cried in the corner as well. I recreated the concept at Amaka and Peter's wedding. I enjoyed that too.

Anyway, do you want to see what it is I wrote for Malaika and Simba? I'll post it next.

i love you... only you?

I love you….only you?

Ok this is what happens when I go out, drink two double espresso’s and then Yvonne comes over and asks the question: ‘can you go through life loving just the one person?’ (and there wasn’t a drop of alcohol in sight, I promise). Its quarter past 3am (yes Donell Jones springs to mind too) and I have decided to play devils advocate sitting in front of mums laptop. Here goes…

One of my favourite quotes of all things love is by Aristotle. He said, ‘love is a single soul inhabiting two bodies’. Isn’t that the most beautiful thing you have ever heard? Well, devil’s advocate says not really. This thought torments my psyche constantly. I’ll tell you why. The simplest theory put out there is this: ‘man meets woman, they fall in love and spend forever in love with each other’, right? Well, I don’t know about that! How often does that happen? Often enough… and if for some reason we could get an x-ray type insight into the minds of some of these lucky people, what will we find? Well, let me introduce you to an unspoken truth about the monogamous mind.

Let’s analyse the specifics. Is it possible that you love one person and only that person forever? Well I don’t mean to rubbish the idea of perfect love but it seems that although ideally this is the way it happens, while our outer beings are busy loving each other like the good uncomplicated people we are, our minds have other ideas really. No? Well when you were on the train the other day totally drooling over that person you thought was most delicious creation since sliced bread, were you thinking about the love of your life then? A bit of eye candy never hurt anyone is what you say. What do I say? I say read on.

Let’s break it down even further with some questions. Have you ever looked at someone (ok for the sake of argument and less hullabaloo, let’s say in the past, before you met the love of your life) and just felt either 1. the unendurable desire to rip your clothes and then theirs off? 2. spoken to them for five minutes and had your heart swear that you have known them at least all your life? or 3. realised that you were looking at each other and your minds were having a conversation that if explored had the potential to explode? What happened when it was the time when it was a combination of all three and someone out there at the time was called your other half? Let’s assume you moved on from the insane momentary intensity you felt and stayed put with the rightful owner of your heart, are these thoughts banished from your mind forever (if the answer to this is yes, how then do you remember the specifics of the incident so vividly?) or do you at some vulnerable moment think ‘should’a, could’a, would’a’? Once committed to a significant other, is the human mind programmed never to find any other person appealing?

And there’s more! In friendships, for example, there are bonds formed between different sets of people for different reasons and each one on one friendship is determined by a single or collection of ideas that sets that person apart from other people and endears you to them, hence the title ‘friend’ as opposed to ‘acquaintance’. (One has many friends, right?) Is that the same for love? Is there not that person(s) who will pop into your head from time to time and betray the sense of every thing that is just and simple and straight forward and moral within you by making you smile? So there’s that person that knows you so well that they predict your cold before your first sneeze, the other that makes you feel naked by the way they look at you, or that person that sees your soul, that person who you can speak to on the mobile phone until your initially full battery dies and swear it was only five minutes. So these people are your friends (except they are the opposite sex and there is a slight ‘inconsequential’ twist), but are they not people you love? No? At this point, I am tempted to, but refuse to bore you with endless definitions of love (well I have to save some of devil advocate’s ramblings for another day), but I will say this: if the thought of someone softens your heart even ever so slightly, is there not (a tiny little bit of) love?

Don’t get me wrong. I am not referring to the ‘the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence’ theory. This person may not even pose a threat to your love life or surface in your thoughts everyday or want a relationship with you. This person might just serve to tickle your mind every now and again, gently persuading your thoughts to wonder, sometimes not for long and not necessarily in an unhealthy way. They just might be someone you happen to simply like (love can be a frightening word sometimes) for whatever reason.

Ok so they are relegated to the background in the ordinary course of your everyday life because of the choices you made or life threw at you but when you do think about them and smile or get really angry (because they broke your heart or something), do these random thoughts not equate to some sort of emotion? Love? So for you sitting and planning the perfect ridicule to this article because you love the one person only forever and ever and Romeo and Juliet have got nothing on you, have you never interacted with anyone else ever? It’s just a thought – maybe you never had a past or a vulnerable moment or an incident, maybe you met your soul mate and never wondered if someone thought your bum looked taut in those skinny jeans last Tuesday… maybe. Or maybe…..

So here’s the question again- do you love only one person? Be honest (or not)!

so far...

so far i have two followers. thats pretty exciting considering it hasnt even been 6 hours yet. I thought i would lighten this blog up with some random thought (apparently sometimes i am a bit too intense) ....

ok so i am not really into a lot of current music these days, but i love chris brown for some reason. who loves him? anyways, i was hanging out with ty and tuns the other day and they played shane wards 'breathless' twice. i didnt think too much of it at first but on listening to it again, i really liked it. the lyrics are intense... absolutely.

so on that note, is it too soon to post you guys something heavy? so i put this next article up on facebook the other day and boy, did it attract comments... i wish i could upload the comments but i suppose there might be laws against that kind of stuff. but give me a few minutes and i will find it and upload it. look out for it.... x

THE DYNAMICS OF RELATIONSHIPS

From the first breath of life taken till quite often, the last, we form various psychological relations with people. These ties fluctuate between one-on-one to less individual categories, running predominantly concurrently. Our relationships range from interaction with parents and family (nuclear or extended), friends and most intricate of them all, romantic involvements. In an inconclusive, yet comprehensive guide to understanding the psychosomatic nature of these relationships, think thus: in order to accomplish social survival, the phenomenon called life demands as essential, interpersonal, co-dependent and/or interdependent relationships. Without some sort of correlation or the other, life would not exist! The dynamics of these relationships and what we opt to do with them effectively define who we are.

In my ever changing perception of life, I stare at the enveloping skies above and think of the world and consequently, life, in the context of a huge fabric. Likened to the patterns made by the clouds, birds and whatever else makes the sky occasionally ‘embroidered’, I think of these relationships we have amongst each other as stitches. Stitches – big or small, pretty or not, dull or colourful, interesting – stitches nonetheless. These stitches make one life distinct from any other; these stitches determine our uniqueness!

As a starting point to an insight into the different psychological make-ups of these relationships, think about the moment a baby takes its first breath. Commonly if born into an ordinary nuclear family, this is followed shortly by skin-to-skin contact with its mother, a cuddle with its father and perhaps its first attempt at suckling for food. In an old Chinese language, the bond between a mother and child is often contrasted against the connection between the ten fingers and the heart. Put your hand on your heart, unarguably, there is the physical distance in-between; however, if you cut off the hand, it hurts like hell! Indeed romance fails us and so do friendships, but the relationship between parent and child, less noisy than all the others, remains indelible and indestructible, the strongest relationship on earth, so much so that no bond has proved to be stronger. The love between a man and a woman instantly becomes more intense by experiencing the birth of their child. The love the child has for its mother naturally extends to its father, because in effect, its father is an extension of its mother. In one miraculous moment, a family relationship of passionate devotion is born! As the family grows, the love extends to other siblings and the child’s family becomes its first experience of any social obligation in life. From this relationship one begins to understand the concept of attitudes and behaviours. In learning the complexities of siblings’ behaviours, the child understands that while some types of behaviour are acceptable to him/her, others simply are not. The child learns to manipulate these attitudes to adapt to his/her own needs. The family relationship is paradoxical. It requires the most intense love on the family’s side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the family and become fully independent. And it begins!

As a direct consequence of ‘cutting the apron strings’, we form ‘friendships’. Some of these friendships are as a result of behaviours learnt whilst part of our family unit, and others are formed based on our own little peculiarities. ‘Friends are the family we choose for ourselves’, while this quote is at best, really cheesy, it bears some semblance with the truth because the prototypes which friendships take in our lives are similar to big tree - a huge, successful oak tree for example. It has many branches. It started out as a seedling. Along the way it became a little tree and developed a few branches. Unfortunately, along the trail of its growth, some of these branches broke off. During the process of metamorphosing from seedling to tree, new branches formed at random stages; there was no protocol for the formation of these new branches. Apparently, the essence of true friendship is to make allowances for another’s little lapses. When a little rot becomes a huge life threatening disease, it is then probably less destructive to wither it out permanently, hence the reason why the branch got lost. Alternatively, there was a natural disaster, a huge storm or wild fire which by no fault or interference caused the branch to fall of its own volition. The former refers to cases where friendships are intentionally terminated for lack of compatibility, while the latter, to situations where both parties grow up to understand life differently and consequently no longer speak the same language. The new branch being formed randomly along the way is much akin to the saying that some of life’s truest happiness is found in friendships we make along the way. Much of the vitality in a friendship lies in the honouring of differences, not simply in the enjoyment of the similarities. While you never find an orange growing off an apple tree, it is rare, but not a total impossibility to find a white rose amongst red roses. This indeed is rare but rare in this case is most beautiful. Whether formed from childhood, or in old age, by and by, no distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each others worth.

Perhaps learning to be a good friend is the requisite a,b,c in the genesis of a romantic interest. After all, according to Jeremy Taylor, love is friendship set on fire! Often mind-set developed in our prelapsarian days establishes the foundation of our personalities. Traits similar or dissimilar in another person will often form the object of desirability. The unity of two people in love is the direct experimentation by these two people of the social skills required to survive in life. Elizabeth Ashley said, ‘in a great romance, each person plays the part the other really likes’. A direct corollary of this hopefully is a romance which ends up being a life time commitment. Sometimes, this is attainable, but the nature of life is such that in love there are no guarantees. Should the former be the case, boy meets girl, both fall deeply in love with each other, and life permitting, they start their own family. And thus the cycle of relationships being a birth to death experience starts all over again, i.e. the first breath of life is taken, and so on and so forth.

Relationships therefore, are a fundamental trend of life which we learn more about as we grow older and wiser. In doing so however, the deep-seated issues that come to light are skills that if applied correctly, could potentially lead to a lifetime of happiness. This bears its axis on the ability to create a balance in our relationships, skills which do not come easy at all. The vital elements are acceptance, forgiveness, compromise and greatest of all, love!

If we can love without season or ceasing, it reflects in the active relationships we create with other people. At the end of life, we look back at our fabric of life and realise that these stitches determine how we lived! For when the stitches were rough and unpretty, we took it with a metaphorical smile and moved on. The result was that the stitches subsequent to that were schooled to be absolutely beautiful. We cannot dictate the way the world reacts to us, but we certainly can dictate the way we react to the world. It is therefore up to you to make your stitches beautiful!

Here’s wishing you beautiful stitches while creating your cycle of life, good luck!

;-)

Sally

me and my shrink

Me and my shrink

‘Are you still walking around carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders?’ asks he, the shrink, as into the sofa she sinks!

‘You betchya I am!’ says she as she sighs with a tell tale tear in her eye

‘...you figured it out yet?’

‘Only a little bit’

‘What do you know thus far?’

‘How mere mortals only see thus far beyond…’

‘and?’

‘and… better not gamble based on human foresight’

He nods

‘Is that right? Whys that?’ asks he

‘Could be rainbows or dust or rain, who knows? It could be showers of gold and gain or cold moments of pain!’

Silence

‘Do you need a glass of water?’ asks he

‘Brandy?’ she asks half smiling

‘No, sorry’

‘Don’t be’ she replied

‘I’m not’

‘You just said….’

‘I know what I said…’ he snaps

Silence

‘and if you knew then what you know now?’ he asks

‘then I would have done things differently’

‘Why?’

‘Because life makes sure it’s impossible to base a whole relationship on love. Yet by the same insane token, if you base it on anything but love - geographical convenience, financial status, compatibility, compromise, age, potential – reasonable and sane as these are, they will never guarantee that you live happily ever after’ she said factually

‘So choose love? Pray tell, is that what you say?’ he asks

‘Actually, I say if I may, how life is so unfair’

‘Why unfair? You dared and life treated you fair and square, so there!’

‘No’ says she

‘No?’ he asks

‘No, because love is the very foundation upon which a relationship is built, but like cement, love is a binder, a substance which hardens and seals. There are other requirements if it’s to work’.

‘So choose the other requirements above love?’

‘Can’t be one or the other. You need love; otherwise one unlucky person is in a relationship alone’

‘So you need love and its garnishes!’

Silence. She nods. More silence.

‘Is that why you chose him over me?’

Silence

‘Presented with the same dilemma today, who would you choose?’

‘You can’t ask me that’

‘Why not?’

‘Life has moved on’.

Silence. The bridge between them closes and in that moment unfolds the most genuine kiss that ever was. It was demanding, it was urgent, it was hurtful, it was forgiving, it was intentional, it was begging, it was seeking, it found! It found the truth!

‘When eyes met eyes, soul met soul’ she said. He nods!

‘Yes soul mate!’

‘and outside sits an oblivious soul tie!’ says she staring thoughtfully at the door.

‘He’s my brother’

‘I didn’t know that then!’ She was defensive

Silence

He shrugs

‘What now? Create our destiny or go with fate?’ she asks

‘It’s too late’

She nods.

‘I’m sorry’ said he

‘Don’t be. Life happened!

‘For fear or fury or fall babe, this is our last session – conflict of interest on so many different levels’

They both nod. They both smile. They both sigh. They both cry.

‘Learn anything?’ she asks

‘In love there are no guarantees’

‘I thought you were the shrink and I, the patient? You should be healing me, not I, you’.

‘In games of the heart, who is to say who plays whose role? Inconsequential so and so or leading role in one’s life scroll. Who knows?’

‘So when eye met eye and soul met soul and promised eternity and a day, what exactly did soul say? Did eye lie?’

‘Eyes don’t lie, do they?’

Silence. The gap closes between them and this time eyes just meet with intense scrutiny. Though there was no kissing, the world paused to acknowledge an intense moment!

‘I love you!’

‘I love you too…’

And they chorused a heartbreaking final…. ‘goodbye’…