Life's fabric

in my phantasm tonight
behold before me
i connect...
the changing faces of my life's many phases
and
the hearts i met and let in
whilst i traversed those dreary or hardly dreary
places
i recollect...
you from the past
you who did or didn't last
you who journeys on with or without me fast
.... and you!
life is a partially sewn fabric
you added a stitch
if you hurt me
its alright, i forgive you
for in hindsight
though life was longer, i got stronger
what can i say? i awoke to yet another day
another switch, another stitch
and if i hurt you
hate me not
perhaps in the contentment i sought
i spared you not a befitting thought
but
i gave you one more stitch
so if we spoke or we laughed
or we joked or we danced
or even if i sighed many or cried
a small part of a lost past
or lead role in my life's scroll
or indeed i in yours
whilst some stitches get broke
if a tear drop
or a memory
or both tonight i provoke
be thankful
as i thank you
thank you
for a beautiful beautiful strong stitch!

and...

I am still going on about that song, Breathless because it's stuck in my head and it will not go away. The lyrics are so emotional really.

I was watching the magic channel on TV as well and there was a song that made me cry (Yes I am a bit emotional tonight). There is Jania's wedding coming up in April and another wedding coming up in December (am I allowed to discuss this yet? Please let me know. You know who you are). I play big parts in both wedding and I suppose I have been planning speeches and poetry and listening to music for inspiration.

Ok sorry, i went off on a tangent there. Was I telling you about a song that made me cry? It was Luther Vandross - Dance with my father again. OK I don't know if that's the title of the song but my goodness, the lyrics....

Can I ask a random question at this point? OK I dont mind relating this to myself. When I was a child, my father could do no wrong. Everything he did was right and perfect. When I grew up and realised that he was human and subject to frailties like everyone else, I was devastated. What is your relationship with your father like? I have to write something about this. Watch out for it tomorrow or the day after, I promise.

So back to weddings, trying to think of the perfect thing to do for these two weddings. At Malaika and Simbarashe's wedding, I did a literary piece. Basically I read this piece out and was out of sight at the time. It was read to the beginning of KC and Jojo's 'all my life'. OK so I read it and I might have been a bit emotional at the time... when I was done and surfaced, I realised that I had half the guests in tears. OK that was weird. It was flattering but overwhelming. People were blubbering over this piece (including my dad which definitely made me choke because it was the first time I saw him cry. He asked me later why I was surprised and seemed a bit irritated by the fact that apparently I thought he was made of stone. LOL!). I then went on to introduce their first dance and I cried in the corner as well. I recreated the concept at Amaka and Peter's wedding. I enjoyed that too.

Anyway, do you want to see what it is I wrote for Malaika and Simba? I'll post it next.

i love you... only you?

I love you….only you?

Ok this is what happens when I go out, drink two double espresso’s and then Yvonne comes over and asks the question: ‘can you go through life loving just the one person?’ (and there wasn’t a drop of alcohol in sight, I promise). Its quarter past 3am (yes Donell Jones springs to mind too) and I have decided to play devils advocate sitting in front of mums laptop. Here goes…

One of my favourite quotes of all things love is by Aristotle. He said, ‘love is a single soul inhabiting two bodies’. Isn’t that the most beautiful thing you have ever heard? Well, devil’s advocate says not really. This thought torments my psyche constantly. I’ll tell you why. The simplest theory put out there is this: ‘man meets woman, they fall in love and spend forever in love with each other’, right? Well, I don’t know about that! How often does that happen? Often enough… and if for some reason we could get an x-ray type insight into the minds of some of these lucky people, what will we find? Well, let me introduce you to an unspoken truth about the monogamous mind.

Let’s analyse the specifics. Is it possible that you love one person and only that person forever? Well I don’t mean to rubbish the idea of perfect love but it seems that although ideally this is the way it happens, while our outer beings are busy loving each other like the good uncomplicated people we are, our minds have other ideas really. No? Well when you were on the train the other day totally drooling over that person you thought was most delicious creation since sliced bread, were you thinking about the love of your life then? A bit of eye candy never hurt anyone is what you say. What do I say? I say read on.

Let’s break it down even further with some questions. Have you ever looked at someone (ok for the sake of argument and less hullabaloo, let’s say in the past, before you met the love of your life) and just felt either 1. the unendurable desire to rip your clothes and then theirs off? 2. spoken to them for five minutes and had your heart swear that you have known them at least all your life? or 3. realised that you were looking at each other and your minds were having a conversation that if explored had the potential to explode? What happened when it was the time when it was a combination of all three and someone out there at the time was called your other half? Let’s assume you moved on from the insane momentary intensity you felt and stayed put with the rightful owner of your heart, are these thoughts banished from your mind forever (if the answer to this is yes, how then do you remember the specifics of the incident so vividly?) or do you at some vulnerable moment think ‘should’a, could’a, would’a’? Once committed to a significant other, is the human mind programmed never to find any other person appealing?

And there’s more! In friendships, for example, there are bonds formed between different sets of people for different reasons and each one on one friendship is determined by a single or collection of ideas that sets that person apart from other people and endears you to them, hence the title ‘friend’ as opposed to ‘acquaintance’. (One has many friends, right?) Is that the same for love? Is there not that person(s) who will pop into your head from time to time and betray the sense of every thing that is just and simple and straight forward and moral within you by making you smile? So there’s that person that knows you so well that they predict your cold before your first sneeze, the other that makes you feel naked by the way they look at you, or that person that sees your soul, that person who you can speak to on the mobile phone until your initially full battery dies and swear it was only five minutes. So these people are your friends (except they are the opposite sex and there is a slight ‘inconsequential’ twist), but are they not people you love? No? At this point, I am tempted to, but refuse to bore you with endless definitions of love (well I have to save some of devil advocate’s ramblings for another day), but I will say this: if the thought of someone softens your heart even ever so slightly, is there not (a tiny little bit of) love?

Don’t get me wrong. I am not referring to the ‘the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence’ theory. This person may not even pose a threat to your love life or surface in your thoughts everyday or want a relationship with you. This person might just serve to tickle your mind every now and again, gently persuading your thoughts to wonder, sometimes not for long and not necessarily in an unhealthy way. They just might be someone you happen to simply like (love can be a frightening word sometimes) for whatever reason.

Ok so they are relegated to the background in the ordinary course of your everyday life because of the choices you made or life threw at you but when you do think about them and smile or get really angry (because they broke your heart or something), do these random thoughts not equate to some sort of emotion? Love? So for you sitting and planning the perfect ridicule to this article because you love the one person only forever and ever and Romeo and Juliet have got nothing on you, have you never interacted with anyone else ever? It’s just a thought – maybe you never had a past or a vulnerable moment or an incident, maybe you met your soul mate and never wondered if someone thought your bum looked taut in those skinny jeans last Tuesday… maybe. Or maybe…..

So here’s the question again- do you love only one person? Be honest (or not)!

so far...

so far i have two followers. thats pretty exciting considering it hasnt even been 6 hours yet. I thought i would lighten this blog up with some random thought (apparently sometimes i am a bit too intense) ....

ok so i am not really into a lot of current music these days, but i love chris brown for some reason. who loves him? anyways, i was hanging out with ty and tuns the other day and they played shane wards 'breathless' twice. i didnt think too much of it at first but on listening to it again, i really liked it. the lyrics are intense... absolutely.

so on that note, is it too soon to post you guys something heavy? so i put this next article up on facebook the other day and boy, did it attract comments... i wish i could upload the comments but i suppose there might be laws against that kind of stuff. but give me a few minutes and i will find it and upload it. look out for it.... x

THE DYNAMICS OF RELATIONSHIPS

From the first breath of life taken till quite often, the last, we form various psychological relations with people. These ties fluctuate between one-on-one to less individual categories, running predominantly concurrently. Our relationships range from interaction with parents and family (nuclear or extended), friends and most intricate of them all, romantic involvements. In an inconclusive, yet comprehensive guide to understanding the psychosomatic nature of these relationships, think thus: in order to accomplish social survival, the phenomenon called life demands as essential, interpersonal, co-dependent and/or interdependent relationships. Without some sort of correlation or the other, life would not exist! The dynamics of these relationships and what we opt to do with them effectively define who we are.

In my ever changing perception of life, I stare at the enveloping skies above and think of the world and consequently, life, in the context of a huge fabric. Likened to the patterns made by the clouds, birds and whatever else makes the sky occasionally ‘embroidered’, I think of these relationships we have amongst each other as stitches. Stitches – big or small, pretty or not, dull or colourful, interesting – stitches nonetheless. These stitches make one life distinct from any other; these stitches determine our uniqueness!

As a starting point to an insight into the different psychological make-ups of these relationships, think about the moment a baby takes its first breath. Commonly if born into an ordinary nuclear family, this is followed shortly by skin-to-skin contact with its mother, a cuddle with its father and perhaps its first attempt at suckling for food. In an old Chinese language, the bond between a mother and child is often contrasted against the connection between the ten fingers and the heart. Put your hand on your heart, unarguably, there is the physical distance in-between; however, if you cut off the hand, it hurts like hell! Indeed romance fails us and so do friendships, but the relationship between parent and child, less noisy than all the others, remains indelible and indestructible, the strongest relationship on earth, so much so that no bond has proved to be stronger. The love between a man and a woman instantly becomes more intense by experiencing the birth of their child. The love the child has for its mother naturally extends to its father, because in effect, its father is an extension of its mother. In one miraculous moment, a family relationship of passionate devotion is born! As the family grows, the love extends to other siblings and the child’s family becomes its first experience of any social obligation in life. From this relationship one begins to understand the concept of attitudes and behaviours. In learning the complexities of siblings’ behaviours, the child understands that while some types of behaviour are acceptable to him/her, others simply are not. The child learns to manipulate these attitudes to adapt to his/her own needs. The family relationship is paradoxical. It requires the most intense love on the family’s side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the family and become fully independent. And it begins!

As a direct consequence of ‘cutting the apron strings’, we form ‘friendships’. Some of these friendships are as a result of behaviours learnt whilst part of our family unit, and others are formed based on our own little peculiarities. ‘Friends are the family we choose for ourselves’, while this quote is at best, really cheesy, it bears some semblance with the truth because the prototypes which friendships take in our lives are similar to big tree - a huge, successful oak tree for example. It has many branches. It started out as a seedling. Along the way it became a little tree and developed a few branches. Unfortunately, along the trail of its growth, some of these branches broke off. During the process of metamorphosing from seedling to tree, new branches formed at random stages; there was no protocol for the formation of these new branches. Apparently, the essence of true friendship is to make allowances for another’s little lapses. When a little rot becomes a huge life threatening disease, it is then probably less destructive to wither it out permanently, hence the reason why the branch got lost. Alternatively, there was a natural disaster, a huge storm or wild fire which by no fault or interference caused the branch to fall of its own volition. The former refers to cases where friendships are intentionally terminated for lack of compatibility, while the latter, to situations where both parties grow up to understand life differently and consequently no longer speak the same language. The new branch being formed randomly along the way is much akin to the saying that some of life’s truest happiness is found in friendships we make along the way. Much of the vitality in a friendship lies in the honouring of differences, not simply in the enjoyment of the similarities. While you never find an orange growing off an apple tree, it is rare, but not a total impossibility to find a white rose amongst red roses. This indeed is rare but rare in this case is most beautiful. Whether formed from childhood, or in old age, by and by, no distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each others worth.

Perhaps learning to be a good friend is the requisite a,b,c in the genesis of a romantic interest. After all, according to Jeremy Taylor, love is friendship set on fire! Often mind-set developed in our prelapsarian days establishes the foundation of our personalities. Traits similar or dissimilar in another person will often form the object of desirability. The unity of two people in love is the direct experimentation by these two people of the social skills required to survive in life. Elizabeth Ashley said, ‘in a great romance, each person plays the part the other really likes’. A direct corollary of this hopefully is a romance which ends up being a life time commitment. Sometimes, this is attainable, but the nature of life is such that in love there are no guarantees. Should the former be the case, boy meets girl, both fall deeply in love with each other, and life permitting, they start their own family. And thus the cycle of relationships being a birth to death experience starts all over again, i.e. the first breath of life is taken, and so on and so forth.

Relationships therefore, are a fundamental trend of life which we learn more about as we grow older and wiser. In doing so however, the deep-seated issues that come to light are skills that if applied correctly, could potentially lead to a lifetime of happiness. This bears its axis on the ability to create a balance in our relationships, skills which do not come easy at all. The vital elements are acceptance, forgiveness, compromise and greatest of all, love!

If we can love without season or ceasing, it reflects in the active relationships we create with other people. At the end of life, we look back at our fabric of life and realise that these stitches determine how we lived! For when the stitches were rough and unpretty, we took it with a metaphorical smile and moved on. The result was that the stitches subsequent to that were schooled to be absolutely beautiful. We cannot dictate the way the world reacts to us, but we certainly can dictate the way we react to the world. It is therefore up to you to make your stitches beautiful!

Here’s wishing you beautiful stitches while creating your cycle of life, good luck!

;-)

Sally

me and my shrink

Me and my shrink

‘Are you still walking around carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders?’ asks he, the shrink, as into the sofa she sinks!

‘You betchya I am!’ says she as she sighs with a tell tale tear in her eye

‘...you figured it out yet?’

‘Only a little bit’

‘What do you know thus far?’

‘How mere mortals only see thus far beyond…’

‘and?’

‘and… better not gamble based on human foresight’

He nods

‘Is that right? Whys that?’ asks he

‘Could be rainbows or dust or rain, who knows? It could be showers of gold and gain or cold moments of pain!’

Silence

‘Do you need a glass of water?’ asks he

‘Brandy?’ she asks half smiling

‘No, sorry’

‘Don’t be’ she replied

‘I’m not’

‘You just said….’

‘I know what I said…’ he snaps

Silence

‘and if you knew then what you know now?’ he asks

‘then I would have done things differently’

‘Why?’

‘Because life makes sure it’s impossible to base a whole relationship on love. Yet by the same insane token, if you base it on anything but love - geographical convenience, financial status, compatibility, compromise, age, potential – reasonable and sane as these are, they will never guarantee that you live happily ever after’ she said factually

‘So choose love? Pray tell, is that what you say?’ he asks

‘Actually, I say if I may, how life is so unfair’

‘Why unfair? You dared and life treated you fair and square, so there!’

‘No’ says she

‘No?’ he asks

‘No, because love is the very foundation upon which a relationship is built, but like cement, love is a binder, a substance which hardens and seals. There are other requirements if it’s to work’.

‘So choose the other requirements above love?’

‘Can’t be one or the other. You need love; otherwise one unlucky person is in a relationship alone’

‘So you need love and its garnishes!’

Silence. She nods. More silence.

‘Is that why you chose him over me?’

Silence

‘Presented with the same dilemma today, who would you choose?’

‘You can’t ask me that’

‘Why not?’

‘Life has moved on’.

Silence. The bridge between them closes and in that moment unfolds the most genuine kiss that ever was. It was demanding, it was urgent, it was hurtful, it was forgiving, it was intentional, it was begging, it was seeking, it found! It found the truth!

‘When eyes met eyes, soul met soul’ she said. He nods!

‘Yes soul mate!’

‘and outside sits an oblivious soul tie!’ says she staring thoughtfully at the door.

‘He’s my brother’

‘I didn’t know that then!’ She was defensive

Silence

He shrugs

‘What now? Create our destiny or go with fate?’ she asks

‘It’s too late’

She nods.

‘I’m sorry’ said he

‘Don’t be. Life happened!

‘For fear or fury or fall babe, this is our last session – conflict of interest on so many different levels’

They both nod. They both smile. They both sigh. They both cry.

‘Learn anything?’ she asks

‘In love there are no guarantees’

‘I thought you were the shrink and I, the patient? You should be healing me, not I, you’.

‘In games of the heart, who is to say who plays whose role? Inconsequential so and so or leading role in one’s life scroll. Who knows?’

‘So when eye met eye and soul met soul and promised eternity and a day, what exactly did soul say? Did eye lie?’

‘Eyes don’t lie, do they?’

Silence. The gap closes between them and this time eyes just meet with intense scrutiny. Though there was no kissing, the world paused to acknowledge an intense moment!

‘I love you!’

‘I love you too…’

And they chorused a heartbreaking final…. ‘goodbye’…

my first message

OK I hear about blogs everywhere. A few weeks ago (or months even) Chizzy asked me why I didnt have one and to be honest, I couldn't really answer the question. A few other people suggested it and I never really thought about it. Three days ago, Jania told me that I had so much to say and this was the perfect way to say this (actually she gave me a right bullocking about how laid back I seemed to be). Something in me thought it was about time to get on with it so here I am.

I promise not to make it all mushy... at least not all the time.

First article coming up shortly. Here goes....